Thursday, April 17, 2014

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Spanking Romance: After Care



Round Table Discussions

Thanks Renee Rose for choosing such a great topic!


Aftercare to me is vital in any sort of BDSM scene where the bottom or the one who is experiencing the play hits what many call "subspace."  I know there are by the book definitions out there but to me it is a HUGE release of endorphin, stress, and a content euphoria. 


To give a small example I recently got involved in the local BDSM community and after an intense spanking scene, yes, I actually love and live what I write, I hit the sweet spot. The gentleman who topped me talked me through the scene and kept checking on my awareness throughout. Before I got "high" the last thing I heard him ask was, "Are you still with me?"  I mumbled something close to 'yes' and he replied, "You won't be for long."

True to the above statement I hit an incredible place. The next thing I remember I was curled up on his girlfriend's lap sobbing. She was running her hands through my hair and he was feeding me cookies and water while someone else had gotten blankets to wrap around me.

Now, the above scene may not sound hot while you are deeply involved in a story but any book I read that has the bottom/sub/slave/ect reach his/her happy place then jump up and be involved in something else is quite frankly bull shit.

I did not know it before but now I want to read some mention of it. The Dom/Top/Master/Alpha what-have-you should at least acknowledge some sort of aftercare. If you gloss over it and say something along the lines of, "Master Kingston held Polly close to him and offered comforting words and cuddles as she came down from her rush." Ect, ect, ect...

If you want to skip over it then have the scene end with the high and go to the next chapter. Honestly. I do not believe from what I have personally experienced over the last few months that someone can reach the level I am referring to and not need anything.

I have seen it is different for each person and the care should be talked about prior. If for example you know you need blankets and chocolate (a wonderful invention that tastes like heaven when you are flying and can help with low blood sugar though varies from person to person) then you need to let your top know this.

It is my belief you should talk about this with your top so you both ensure good care. Going back to my example I had played previously and had hit a mild level and needed to be tended to but it was not realized at the time. It was no one's fault and it taught me to understand I will probably need a good amount to get back on my feet.

For me it is very important that the top is the one taking care of me. This shows he/she is tuned in to your needs and is not passing you off to play more.

*Please note some tops also need after care*

I have yet to top in my community but I imagine after you are confident the bottom is handled and he/she assures you of such that you personally will need someone to help you. I cannot offer more but it is something I am looking to research.

I do have questions - You didn't know this was Q&A did you?

Have you ever topped? (In a dungeon setting, bedroom, playroom, ect) 
           If so: Did you need aftercare? Did you receive it?

Have you ever needed care and not received it? What did you do?


The very first time I played in my community I did not get any care at all. I had experienced fire play (very soothing) and though the rush was not as intense as I thought it would be I needed serious cuddles and blankets afterwards. I did have amazing friends to do this for me but it should not fall on others as they may not know what you need/want/crave.

Overall this is a fascinating topic for me as I only recently learned about it and I hope to learn more. I have a few very BDSM type of ideas for novels floating around and I want my stories to be sexy and accurate!

Be sure to check out all of the Round Table Participants.

<3
Addy




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19 comments:

  1. To answer the question first, no never topped and never could. Great post and I do agree that it's quite possible that some tops need aftercare, although maybe they would call it something else. Heh.

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    1. I think you are right. I don't believe it is called "aftercare" but I can't seem to find out the term. I guess it would make sense that if the bottom needs cuddles the top would also need something. Thanks for stopping by!

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  2. I have never topped and, like Sheri Savill, I never will. That's just not who I am. I don't know about most Doms, but the ones I tend to interact with seem to incorporate my need for hugs into their own aftercare needs and add things, like talking. Some do lots and lots of talking, seeming to enjoy re-living the high-points of the scene. But, this is just the few men I've scened with.

    Great post, Adaline! :)

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    1. Yes, I understand completely about the talking and hugging. I think for many it helps ease back into 'reality' for lack of a better word. So happy you stopped by! :D

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  3. I am so glad that you spoke about after care. It is so important and I can't imagine this part being skipped over, unless like you said, the author skips to an entirely different scene. But I love it when the top is caring for the sub with so much love.

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    1. Thanks! I want to incorporate this when I finally get to my BDSM WIP (on a waiting list to get to)

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  4. Oh, I have never topped. And I have always received the after care. I have not experienced the intensity of sub space/ orgasm but even just what I do experience I am cared for. It is nice to come back and be being held in his arms. I would love to visit a club but I have no idea even where to look for one.

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  5. I've never topped, although I've known tops who needed some aftercare and I've also written aftercare- he really really needed it after what I'd put him through :D lovely to see you mention blood sugar after a scene- it seems too few people put that together. How lovely that the top's girlfriend helped with your aftercare :)

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    1. I have never seen blood sugar mentioned in a novel so I'm looking for it now. :)

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  6. I have never topped, but I'm not opposed. On my aftercare fail, I just trotted after my husband and said "I need a hug!" The next time it happened, he was better prepared for my needs, although it was still not quite enough.

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    1. Cuddles feel amazing after that rush. <3

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  7. Great post , Addy! I would love to try out a BDSM club or do a munch with other Spankos! Hubby is not quite ready for that yet, though, so maybe next year. :)
    It sounds like you had a great experience, and learned a lot too! so cool!

    I've never topped, and honestly don't have any desire to. But I am highly empathic toward other people's emotions and needs. And I can totally see how a Top might need some sort of aftercare. Good point!
    Great post!! :)

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  8. I haven't topped. I can understand the need for a Top to want to ensure there is a positive end and this is probably part of their aftercare, not to simply walk away. However, I have on occasion liked my top to leave me alone, I don't like being smothered, but having him close by is important. I've never subspaced to the level you describe, so maybe my opinion would shift given that experience.
    Great post.

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    1. It's so important to communicate and after care is so different for everyone. I've seen subs who need to be super cuddled and those who need water and a blanket then to be left alone. ;)

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  9. Great post Addy! I have never topped and I would be horrible at it for sure. I don't think I would like it. Being I only ever do anything with my husband, it's not technically 'after care', but I guess it is. Just cuddling, or what I call 'being close'- I will often say, "I just need to be close right now." And then it's all good.

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    1. I don't think you'd be "horrible" it just isn't your thing. It's still technically after care and it's good you get cuddles. ;)

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  10. Jolynn did a post on Aftercare and BDSM play that should be helpful. I've experienced subspace quite a few times and you really do need someone to take care of you after you are done playing and / or your scene has just ended. Your body cools down real fast and you do need chocolates, water, blankets, and cuddles. I get tippy and have trouble walking and talking after we are done. I've been known to crawl to wherever I intend to go, unless we are in bed an then I am already there.

    http://jolynnraymond.com/2014/01/aftercare-and-bdsm-play/

    Kathy

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    1. Ooooh thank you for the link. I have to check it out. :)

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